I have heared this word a lot for those past months. I have used it a lot to miself as well.
To leave London; To leave my home; To leave my job.
UK leaving EU.
Yesterday I slept being part of EU. Today I woke up out. They are out.
If you asked me how am I feeling I will say: “Im fine. I dont care, there is a lot of other countrys to live, if I had to leave here. Also, I know, I can always come back to my home.”
But if you come closer, look deep into my eyes and wait one second, you are gonna hear my real feeling:
“Im sad. Im feeling a stranger in someone’s land. Untill yesterday I fel I was part of here, I was allowed to cross the street. Today, when I got the news, I fel completely distant. More foreign and immigrant than ever.”
As I asked a friend at work if he wasnt feeling anything different and he said the same: “There is something inside that is not right.”
I know. But we had to go to work and live our day.
I dont feel bad because of me, because Im living her, however, for the rest of the world. The most people who have voted ‘yes’ to leave, did it because is against immigration. I really understant that but, which country has no immigration? Could not the govermment to control in a better way?
What upset me the most is to see what humans are becoming. People voted against the others one. They dont tolerate us, they dont tolerate themself. In mid 21 century, we are living the most individualistic moment. After all the world has been through, we continue to choose thinking about ourselfs only and not as a nation.
Many of these people, who voted, have no idea about what is happening, they just dont want strangers inside their houses. They are not worry about economic or even politic. They just wanted to leave. How is gonna be tomorrow? They seem not to care.
But why do that…Live and let us live.
For one second I wanted to leave as well. I wanted to go home. To go back to Italy or to Brazil, to my parentes lap. I wanted to leave, because I didnt want to be in a place where I know Im not welcome. Its true that they dont even look at to us and may not paying attention in anything. But this energy around has no explanation. The smile of who won and the tear of who is now afraid of the future.
To vote was easy. To face the reality now its gonna be the point. Im watching for outside, as I dont feel part anymore. Lunch time at the restaurant, looking around the customers and thinking: Did they vote? Yes or not? What they think about it? They are sick of us, but they love our products and food. They want all the power, but they are leaving all behind.
I cant deny the feeling of being living this here, in London. One day, my kids, perhaps, will ask me how was this 24 of June 2016. I will say that was sad and huge. I dont want to think about the future now, as it may not change my life at all. We may have two years ahed to see what is goona happen. Not even the politicians knows. But today it did change. I fel small. Sitting in front of St Paul Cathedral, I did a pray asking for better days. And If this decision happened then, I hope it doesnt affect us in a bad way more than we are all have been affected by many others bad situations.
Oh London, just when everything was making sense…And I cant even blame you.
Menawhile our lives continue and I just need a new next day.