Mês: novembro 2016

So far, so close

Do not look at me like that and do not make that face ‘half-corner look’. Your smile makes me want to change everything. I was so excited to tell my news and share certain things with whom we trust and care is simply priceless.

Through confused feelings, something came to balance. The dreamed ‘yes’, after countless ‘no’. I started writing articles for an online magazine, Blasting News UK, as a freelancer. I took another step. I got the first British ‘Yes’!

“As long as it’s in English, you can write from whatever you are and about whatever you want.”

So said the person in charge. I will be paid according to the amount of views. But who is worried about money, when will the name be printed online in an international magazine?

Happiness. Even more. Excitement. And to share this with the world did well to the heart, that sought a way to dribble what will come in less than a month.

The closer to the day of the trip, the more I want to leave. If I could, I would go tomorrow. Running away, hidden, like rats in culverts, leaving everything behind. All this so I do not have to face what I already know.

But at the same time, the further away London gets from me, the more I want to stay. Put off everything and come back. Or even not going. I’m still here and Im already missing an inexplicable lack. I did not even get there yet and Im already feeling what it will be when I come back.

Carpe Diem, Amanda!

Live the moment. Breath.

London and ‘her’ way in disguise, shy of making me love ‘her’.

On my day off, so many things I could do, I stay, usually, around 3h in the restaurant where I work during the whole week. Sitting. Watching. Creating. Feeling. I should hate this place but no. I stop there, as a rule, to get closer to those who makes me feel good. To leave a little more of me and take a lot more of them.

Despite all the madness I’m very grateful.

Yes, I should walk out the back doors and pretend that none of this is happening. But on the contrary, I ask for more days around, in full. Intense Aquarian that suffers when cutting the evil by the root. And she likes it all at once, like ripping the band aid from the wound. Do not take too long! Come on and do it! Do not scream! Face it! Then…Well, then we keep living.

One month.

So close but with many things yet to happen. So far, to the point that I cannot wait any longer. Do not give too much time to an Aquarian, he changes everything without blinking. It turns the new inside out again.

Cold town. I do not want to leave this relationship. I will take all of this with me and leave a page of the book here because it will be the continuation of the story.

Did I mention that our laughter changes everything?


Happy One Year Anniversary, London!

Happy One Year Anniversary of the longest and intense relationship that I have had on these 31 years of life. ‘Happy’ all the tears, the laughter, moments of renunciation and return.
‘Happy’ every grey day, silent day and discredited; ‘Happy’ every hugh day, angels in our ways and crooked love, bitter, marked.

Happy one year, London! We survived together and separate. Survived the clashes, the errors, the countless ‘No’ and stubbornness. We loved and we hated each other; We held hands and we parted.
You let me go then, very wise, because you were sure that I would return. You dropped my hand without fear, saved my world and my secrets.

You did not promise more heat and flowers, as this is not possible. But made me understand your way of life and the time. The time of the sky, the time of Big Ben.

A year is a little when it comes to you. A year is too much when it comes to visceral relationships. I do not spare heart and emotion so, I bet my body open and I followed. You drived me crazy and still does it- with your traffic and noise (not tired of repeating this). But you got me with these ‘doors’ open of the world, the mixed stories, multi languages and laughter.

One year of you and with you. And I thought I would run in a month. Today I do not run anymore. Today Im the one who say: I can even go, but I’ll be back. I should not be so honesty because when we declare too much, lovers tends to be cruel. But, my ideology does not allow me to lie. And share love is an obligation and satisfaction.

I do not know, anymore, what I learned and what I have lost. What you took from me and what you added. I know what I am today, and sometimes, it seems the same as yesterday. People will say. And your buildings already know.

If my future relationships got half of we got, it will be a profit. Thank you for not letting me go.



Feliz Aniversário de Um Ano, Londres!

Feliz Aniversário de um ano do relacionamento mais longo e intenso que já tive nesses meus 31 anos de vida. ‘Feliz’ todas as lágrimas, as gargalhadas, os momentos de desistência e os de retorno.
‘Feliz’ cada dia cinza, calado, desacreditado; ‘Feliz’ cada dia de abraço, de anjos em nossos caminhos e de amor torto, amargo, marcado.

Feliz um ano, Londres. Nós sobrevivemos juntas e separadas. Sobrevivemos aos desencontros, aos erros, aos ‘Nãos’ e ás teimosias. Nos amamos, nos odiamos, demos as mãos e nos separamos.
Você deixou-me ir pois, muito sábia, tinha certeza de que eu voltaria. Soltou minha mão sem medo, guardou meu mundo e os meus segredos.

Não prometeu mais calor e flores, pois isso não é possível. Mas fez-me compreender esse tempo. O tempo do céu, o tempo do Big Ben.

Um ano é pouco, quando se trata de você. Um ano é muito quando se fala em relacionamentos viscerais. Eu, que não poupo coração e emoção, apostei meu corpo aberto e segui.
Você enlouqueceu-me e, ainda enlouquece, com seu transito e barulho ( não canso de repetir isso). Mas ganha-me nas portas abertas, nas histórias misturadas, multi idiomas e risadas.

Um ano de você, com você. E eu que pensei que correria em um mês. Hoje não corro mais. Hoje sou eu que digo: Posso até ir, mas eu volto. Não deveria ser tão sincera assim, quando nos declaramos demais, o amante tende a ser cruel. Mas minha ideologia não permite mentir. E compartilhar amor é uma obrigação e uma satisfação.

Já não sei mais o que aprendi e o que perdi. O que você levou de mim e o que acrescentou. Sei o que sou hoje e, ás vezes, parece que a mesma de ontem. As pessoas dirão. E seus prédios já sabem.

Se meus relacionamentos futuros forem metade da nossa relação, será um lucro. Obrigada por não deixar-me fugir.



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