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“We need to be full in the present.”

It said my childhood’s best friend in her most difficult time of life: the loss of her father. She, more rational and calm than me, did not suspect how her words invaded my chest and woke me up for ‘my moment’. Across the ocean I cried like a child, I apologized for my absence, and I ‘killed’ all my problems there, at that second.

Nothing is as important as being alive. I wanted to take all the money I have left and go out into the world- more than I have already done. I wanted to go back to homeland (Brazil), the place where I know I will always have a space, and hugh her (my friend) infinitely. I wanted to call the man I’m in love with and declare all my feelings, not afraid of what I’d hear back. Smile the song of the birds and mourn for the lack of eternity on earth but be happy and live wisely.

Maybe I’ll do it all. Maybe not. I did. 25 days ago I landed in Brazil, by surprise to family and friends, in a delicious impulse, by the way. Being full in the present, not expecting the future and not holding me in money. Follow the cry of the heart. In fact, this time, follow the human tears.

The best choice of the last few months, I can assure you. I was never so sure of anything, like getting on the last-minute plane. Lock my room, turn my back, not knowing what was about to come. To land at home without planning, simply brought by the cry of  ‘help, I need somebody’.

I healed my homesickness in the arms of old friends, breathed the comfort of my family and found peace in front of the ocean. The tranquility healed my doubts and my eyes could see again. I danced the best memories at my best friend’s wedding and I cried as I listened: “Glad to have you here! Glad you came!”

Glad I came. The best choice is when we respect our feelings and, without fear, we act for our good. Whatever the consequences, knowing that everything is worth it, everything is experience. There is no mistake or guilt. There is learning.

25 days here at home or away. Or maybe it’s the other way around? I did not meet everyone I wanted, but I had what I needed. The freedom to be where I want when I need it. To have a place to take refuge in the hour of sadness, to know where to return. There’s a little bit of me in every corner of this world, and every corner wants to take me. And I follow, because we have to be full in the very present. Tomorrow will always come one way or another.

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