Once I thought the “neighbours grass” was better than mine, so I jumped into there without thinking and looking for the paradise. But when I met the promised happiness, what a surprise! ‘She’ was laughing dress in red and fire.

I never meant to lose him when I skipped into that hell, I never meant to be more than a friend but suddenly I became a sad woman lost in the beautiful town in front of the royal palace.

It is a big, a big clown game in the end nothing matters we just want to laugh and love.

And everytime I remember his eyes, I feel my heart falling and the heavy storm behind. I remember our smiles and that summer night, perhaps our biggest mistake, perhaps our forever wound.

I can still hear his voice, I can still hear his thoughts sounds, his words telling me “everything’s gonna be all right.”

It is a big, a big clown game in the end nothing matters we just want to laugh and love.

So much that I lost, so much that I learned in the “grass of the neighbor” that, by the way, was not better than mine. The sun does not always make your days better, and rain and grey skies can be missed many times.

I wish it could have been just a bad dream like a bad taste wine but despite the sunny days, he is still bleeding inside me.

I could do everything again yes, I could throw myself once and more without  looking back but everytime I remember his distant eyes that is my worst regret.

It is a big, a big clown game in the end nothing matters we just want to laugh and love.