Tag: 2016

One Love: Portugal

Some people do not understand my love for Portugal. Whenever I comment about it, I hear it’s more of a third world country, the “bad” part of Europe where there is nothing.

Recently I heard: “Lisbon seems to Sé Square in SP.” In critical tone. Well, but it is clear the downtown of SP has plenty of Lisbon after all, they-the portugueses- colonized our country. In fact, the similarities go beyond the Sé Square. We see a lot of Portugal every bit of our Brazil.

But the truth is that Lisbon is much more than similarities with our country and Portugal is much more than Lisbon. From Porto to Algarve you eat very well, you love intensely and you have one of the most beautiful sights in the world.

I woukd like to write something more intense and profound about Portugal that I love so much abd do not get tired of visiting. But every time I think of this place, I think the words of Fernando Pessoa in his poem ‘Sea Portuguese’ (Mar Portugues). Nothing defines better this land than the expressions of Pessoa.

So, to not fill this text with cheap words, I ask permission of Pessoa and make his feelings as mine. Everything is worthwhile if the soul is not small!

Yes! And every day that passes I am more sure about this wherever you are. There is always something good and positive in every corner and every day, even in those when you think, ‘I should not have woke up today … “

Yes, you should! The universe need us! Make it all worth it feeds the soul and makes it bigger.

Thank you Lord for this small and friendly piece of land that one day, colonized one of the largest territorie. And despite all problems and defects, left us in good culture, good food and it allowed us to be someone.

Thank you for Portugal that make me feel home.

Circle of Month

I believe that when we are in our period, woman of course, more than blood we put out all kinds of feelings. I believe that “comes down” anger, sadness, bad lovers, frustrations. Maybe that is why it hurts so much. Colic, an open internal wound.

It should not be so painful and hard to put out what remains within us. In all senses. So I believe that nature gives us, women, every month, a chance to remake, a new start with everything clean. So, I thought about everything that bothered me and hurted me in those last days and I send away along with everything that my body will not use more.

As I have done during these almost 10 months away from home.

I heard all kind of things- bad and good- and I have seen a lot as well. But I sent all away in my few days of renewal.

It hurts. It hurts everywhere inside and outside of me. But closing circle hurts. To Restart. But is the pain of all new again. And this month, in particular, more than send away what bothers me, I open myself to the new circle that will come. I’m ready. Im in love. I want to.

I looked in the mirror at the end of a working day and saw my eyes lighten as if to cry. Not this time. This time I saw what its about to come, because it’s all in my hands.

Until next month when it is renewed again.

The Time Of My Life

Eleven years ago she opened the door of her house and said:

“Welcome to Australia!”

It was the first time I was traveling alone and would live away from my family. I had a mixture of emotions inside me. I wanted to cry and smile. I remember like it was yesterday. In fact, I can see it now, in front of me. I can hear her voice and feel exactly what I fel that day.

She hugged me and made me feel confortable. She put me in her life and in her family. She took care of me like a mother and daughter. I had Christmas present, birthday cake and the best dinners. She saw me grow for a year. But more than that, she made me feel at home. I was home.

When she drove me to the airport in the day of my return to Brazil, she looked into my eyes and asked:

“Why are not you happy? You are going to see your family, you are going home!”

“I know…but this is my home, I dont want to leave…”

Then she said that the world was too big and I was too young so I would have many places to travel and I could come back to Aussie anytime I wanted. Once and again she comforted me. Once and again she was right.

Since then I have thrown myself in different places and adventures. My gypsy heart does not stop and dreams deserve to come true. While I have feet I will cross all borders. But the true is the more I travel, the more I know Australia is my place. My soul belongs to there. It doesnt matter how long time has passed, it will always be my shelter and I can always come back.

Her hug, she may not know that, just gave this feeling to me and Im really thankful.

Eleven years ago she hugged a girl 20 years old, scared and excited at the same time with the days to come. Eleven years later she hugged a woman 31 years old, more mature but with the same dreams and shinning eyes.

Meet her here in London, at this moment, just prove to me that love and family survive to distance and time.

And our memories together, while talking having a cruise in Thames River, came to remind me that time was the time of my life!

🙂

Helena and I London

Tudo Novo De Novo

Parece que nada aconteceu. Como se eu simplesmente tivesse surgido aqui hoje, assim, do nada. O vazio vem ao meu encontro. As páginas foram viradas, talvez até arrancadas, queimadas. Já não lembro de certas datas mas, lembro de todos os choros. Não chegaram a deixar cicatriz mas, deixaram leves marcas para que eu nunca esqueça que um dia estive lá…No fundo e voltei. E ainda que eu olhe para trás noite a dentro, sei que sempre conseguirei voltar.

Três meses passaram feito o vento. Não despercebidos, eu senti cada hora desses 90 dias. Todos os risos e amarguras; todas as depressões e Fé. Mas passaram com tudo o que tinham direito. Atropelaram-me e colocaram-me de pé novamente. Esmagaram meus sonhos mostrando a realidade diária. Fizeram-me amar e odiar Londres de uma ponta a outra. Surpreenderam-me. E de tudo o mais difícil: mudaram o roteiro da história.

Reescrevo.

Três meses depois e aqui estou novamente. Abro a porta do apartamento, agora vazio. Escuto o silêncio. Algumas coisas estão fora do lugar. Eu estou. Estava. Não tenho certeza ainda. Esse copo, por exemplo, não era aqui. E a mesa também mudou. As plantinhas não resistiram ao frio da estação- e nem a lotação. Tudo bem, planto outras quando a cidade tiver cores e luz. Se essas paredes pudesse falar…Talvez eu me sentisse menos sozinha. Quantas coisas que só elas sabem.

Três meses. O mesmo coração. A mesma estação. Tinha escrito em minha tela como seria quando esse dia chegasse. Onde eu estaria trabalhando, como seria minha rotina, quantos sorrisos eu daria ao longo do dia. Mas, como tudo que se planeja na vida, muito aconteceu do avesso. Incrivelmente Londres traz a mesma sensação que SP. Alguns dizem que é o fato de ser cidade grande. Concordo. Mas eu digo, também, que é falta de amor. Ao menos no frio. As pedras não são muito amorosas mesmo.

Melhor abrir as janelas e acender um incenso. Não sei, ainda, se esse peso sou eu, a cidade ou esse chão. Seja o que for, dá porta para fora. À partir de hoje compartilho esse espaço comigo apenas…E meus monstros pessoais. Tudo bem, neles eu ainda posso confiar.

Tenho dúvidas quanto a essa vista. Que diferença faz, não posso mesmo abrir tanto as cortinas. Que bom! Há espaço no guarda-roupa para os casacos. Sim, esse colchão novo é mais alto. Que estranho…Eu não espero ninguém mais chegar.

Subi pelas escadas para fazer menos barulho. O elevador fala e denuncia. Entrei com o pé direito para dar sorte. Fiz todos os desejos-o mesmo desde sempre-que eu sobreviva ás minhas emoções. E então dei de cara com você. O espetáculo mais lindo da terra, mesmo entre pedras. Você, abençoando meu retorno e pedindo trégua. Agora somos nós, apenas nós, de novo.

Minhas roupas saíram de dentro da mala, pela primeira vez, em três meses. E, finalmente, terei um quarto para chamar de “meu”. Não é totalmente meu mas, será pelo tempo que tiver que ser. Eu e você. Não mais o sonho mas, a realidade. Que traga-me alegrias e clareza.

E seja como for…Que seja leve.

Tudo novo de novo…Mais uma vez!

Por Do Sol

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