Tag: Brazil

Couting the days

I do not want to talk about the changes and the ‘sameness’ of the past two months ‘at home’.
For more than a month without writing, I have tried to understand what I became before my thoughts and dreams. I’ve been looking for news to get the words out and apart from cliches. It does not work like that.

I won’t deny that I planned these holidays more than prolonged. I, who hate planning, came to the Brazilian summer full of expectations. I have forgotten, for many moments, that expectation can spoil and offend. And until I could understand what was going on, inside and out, a month had passed.
Completely inside out what I imagined it would be, I juggled my emotions.

Since accept that it is okay to wake up at 11am on the morning for many days – after all, I’m on vacation – until realize that people are not avaiable as we would like, even if they said so. And why would they be? I am the person on vacation and doing nothing, enjoying the sun. The others are leading their lives. They have schedules, jobs, children, routines.

But not an effort on Saturdays?

Expectations.

I got more rain than sun. I forgot about this detail too. That January may be rainy but, damn it! Just because is my summer vacation this January had to be the rainiest of the last 68 years? And London, in turn, despite the cold, had a certain sun. It had light! All wrong!

The hassle of staying at home or on the street, alone and in the rain, is that the mind works too hard. And I wanted her vacation too because when it starts working on the Aquarian spirit … God, I wanted to go back much sooner than I thought. I do not know if I miss London or the woman I am there. If it’s my friends or the opportunities. Or if it is simply missing and that is it.

In one of those screams of “I want to go back now!” I heard from a friend on the other side that: “you’ll come back here anyway so, enjoy what you have there, the sun will come back!” He was right!

The sun came back and I saw in the smile of my niece, every time she sees me, the greatest joy of being here. In the tail of my dogs wagging what is free love. In my huge bed that I love and in my blue wall where are all my dreams and secrets. The corners of the world where I still want to go and the familiar places that call me daily.

My family, which was the greatest expectation, despite the emotional disagreements, continues my family!

In fact, nothing has changed. I’ve changed. I waited, I wished, I frustrated, I loved. I have lived. What had to be lived here, the way it had to be and that matured me a little bit more. That extended the mind a little bit more and opened my true values.

I needed to conform myself that a few people I will see less and my beloved paradise, Rio de Janeiro, will be for a next time. But the Atlantic I met again, as promised! Because it will open up for me on my return.

This return will happen in 20 days. And I must confess, Im couting the days.

15 months later…

It took me longer than I would like to put into words the feeling of 15 months later.

It will be difficult to speak of the different because the same is still here.

We still discuss the same things, in the same intonations and the same speeches. We use the same arguments for solutions and the same complaints. Now we believe more in God and in the spiritual, but also, we are tired of the same old ‘sameness’. Contradictory? No, just the same days of our lives. But dont worry, we still love each other.

The city is sadder- still noisy and crazy- but at least this year won a Christmas tree in the main park. You know, we citizens deserve a little hope, and these lights make us feel good. I’m glad the Mayor had thought about it this year. However, of course, none of this erases the current moment of our country. We are all – and I mean EVERYONE – in the same boat and the same crisis. My Brazil is down. I hope I can make him smile a little.

December continues to be the month that swallows us between Christmas and New Year. Emotions jump out of you, like clothes falling out of the suitcase. They seem to try to escape. And they jump like that, all at once, in despair. And when you realize you say what you should not, listen to what you did not want to, and smile at the end. Yeah, few things time really do not change it.

I have not yet met all the friends I would like, although I have declared myself to each one. I still have not eaten everything I wanted but my bed hugged me like if I was still a child. My room, thanks God, remains the best place in the world. And my dogs? Ah! Dear Ones! These do make me feel at home every day! Dogs never forget you.

The heat has not changed, either! Too hot, but I do not complain, because the Queen’s land is too cold and here the Latin skin recognizes itself a little bit more. Welcome home, Amanda! 40 C!

The streets are the same, but the security’s hair is different. He is more modern, I like it! I recognized good ways and saw new restaurants around. The chats of some friends are very mature: they talk about marriage and school for their children. Fear! But there are still those with whom we drink wine and laugh at our delicious lack of maturity when we remember a few months back.

I love my diversity.

I must confess I expected changes. I was hoping for some evolution, perhaps. But the truth is that the biggest change is me. So much remains the same or indifferent because Im looking from another side. Not in the bad sense. But I grew up. Like a giant. I know this place will always be mine. Parent’s house is untouchable, including the bedroom. But internally there is anything that does not fit.

I got off those conversations. I got off the streets. I got off the couch. I do not know anything else about what’s on TV or about the new songs. It’s my house but, at the same time, its just one more place in Earth. And that’s fine. It is light to know that this refuge will always be here for me. Family feelings. Comfort. Love.

15 months really got me out of the place. And really made me a new person.
I hope they understand if I fail to meet certain expectations and joys. If, on a case, I smile less and prefer to isolate myself. But it is that meet my expectations is already too difficult. And staying at home, doing nothing, sometimes, is all what I want and need.

I will be back on time

I will remember all that lemonades.
How did I mess up the table and you just smiled.
I will remember your sweet voice singing and telling me “dont worry everything is gonna be all right.”

Do you want to see a woman become a girl just wait her to fall in love. Your 23 turned my 30 around and colored my sky when I needed it the most.
I know you have a girl and I have the world. This freedom makes me starving for love. I know my place so I let my silence speaks. You have the eyes that changes my mind, please, believe.

Two differents worlds becomes only one when the same song beats over and over again. Hours flying through our days and saying good bye to you, again, couldn’t be worst.
What it mean to be it mean to be. Its better like this, live the life and let it be. No tears, no regrets. Beautiful memories, good times, I will miss you.

I dont want you away from me but this is more than I can wish. But if someday you say that you are in, I promise, I will be back on time.

Yes, I will be back on time.

🙂

What I want not what I need

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O Diabo Dentro de Nós

Eu adoraria atualizá-los sobre meus dias com boas e divertidas experiências, apenas. Mas não posso ignorar os ataques à Paris, que é o que está em minha TV nesse momento e, perto demais. Os relatos traumatizantes de sobreviventes e testemunhas entram em minha mente em forma de uma única pergunta: O que está acontecendo com o mundo?

Se essa é a nossa Evolução então, eu não sei o que seria regredir.

O “Ser-Humano” se apega em “palavras” para justificar suas atitudes.

Assim como povos caçam animais em nome da “Tradição”, o mundo MATA em nome da “Religião”.

Como assim? A mesma palavra que casa pessoas, batiza crianças, faz-nos ajoelhar em frente a uma imagem ou rezar com um alcorão nas mãos, pedindo saúde, prosperidade…O mesmo sentimento, tornou-se justificativa para matar? Em nome de Deus não se ama mais, mas se mata.

Então, o que está acontecendo?

Nossa raça está completamente sem limites dentro de suas crenças. Vale tudo para alcançar o que deseja, para conquistar terras, para ser mais forte. Vale roubar, vale matar, vale magoar, humilhar…Amar não mais? Perdemos essa capacidade ou nunca a tivemos. Que todo humano carrega seu próprio Diabo dentro de si, é uma verdade. Mas, deixá-lo sair assim, com essa facilidade, é um dos grandes problemas. Quando foi que o Mal ficou maior que o Bem?

Eu sinto que troquei o terrorismo dos morros pelo das fronteiras. Não era para haver nem um e nem outro. Não era para sairmos nas ruas olhando para os lados, a cada passo. E nem preocupados demais com a quantidade de policiais. Não era para vivermos dessa maneira desigual.

Já não sei mais o que sinto mas, entendi que a Paz está fora de cogitação hoje.

Uns culpam a imigração. Eu culpo a diferença social. A falta de caráter. A falta de amor. O distúrbio mental. O excesso de guerra em nossas janelas. As armas dentro de casa. Excesso de dinheiro e poder. Culpo nossos fantasmas, mas nunca a diferença de religião ou raças. Essa é uma justificativa fácil demais que torna possível que essa guerra continue.

Hoje a França respondeu ao terrorismo com novos ataques em terras inimigas. Para que? Apoiada pelo resto do mundo, bombardeou outras vidas. Racionalmente eu penso: Ok, estamos nos defendendo mas, com mais guerra? Violência não finaliza a violência, pelo contrário, aumenta esse círculo vicioso. E a cada Presidente, Primeiro Ministro, Autoridade que vem a público dar suporte, aumenta ainda mais nosso medo, pois todos viramos alvos.

Por mais que as pessoas digam que não estejam assustadas, sabemos que isso não é uma verdade. Estamos sim. E bastante. Porque essa semana pode parar, mas e na próxima? E o próximo ano? Até matarmos uns aos outros de vez? Já não basta destruirmos, diariamente, nosso Planeta. Já não basta nossos Governos irresponsáveis, agora, teremos mesmo que lidar com essa quase- ou não- Terceira Guerra! E associada erradamente à Religião! E pior! Associada ao interesse particular de cada um.

No fundo, nossos “Diabos” comandam exatamente isso. Interesses próprios, sem olhar ao próximo. Estamos rendidos pelo poder e pelo dinheiro. Nossas vidas perderam o valor.

Está tudo ao contrário!

Quero finalizar sendo romântica, porque é o que sei ser de melhor. Escolhendo sempre a Paz, acreditando ainda mais no Amor e que apenas ele pode nos salvar. Quero pensar que podíamos atirar flores, ao invés de bombas. Quero pedir que Nossa Senhora olhe por todas as mães que choram e, principalmente, pelas mães desses filhos da guerra.

Quero que a Esperança nunca saia de nossos olhos e corações.

Quero A Paz na Terra…Por favor, porque nós já não aguentamos mais.

Rezando por nós, Seres-Humanos.

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