Tag: Leaving

What I want not what I need

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Next Time

Next time

I will do not cross our eyes, will not ask where they are from and I wont get interested about ages.I will do my job and I will ignore all voices around. I will skip conversations, not share smiles or tears and much less secrets. Feelings never ever! Yes, next time.

Next time I will not ask about family or how was the day. I will not want to know if are they happy or sad or if they need anything. Also, I will not offer my help anymore. No. Next time I will be alone and wont look to the sides.

Next time

I will not accept the invitation for pizza or mojitos. I will not be until the early hours laughing and neither will have dinner at the chinese restaurant, to eat whatever it is. Next time there will be no high heels to become more beautiful, nor will I make new plans, because I wont make new friends.

I will do not bother anybody with joy and not ask for any advice. I won’t ‘give myself’ to anyone or give any space. No entry, fragile heart. Next time I will keep save emotions and feelings.

Next time

Yes. I will be like this and also an empty person. If I had avoided all of these things in the beggining, I would not have shared the laughter nor the craziness. Wouldn’t have lived their twenties with the ideal maturity of my thirty. Yes. I would have missed the hugs and the ‘good mornings eyes’. Fifteen hours at work sustained by good mood because there were friends.

I wouldn’t be feeling what am I feeling at this moment, the mixture of love and ‘saudades’- missing. I would not have the exchange of thoughts and languages. I wouldn’t even be able to write this text, because there would be no words to share, since there would be no feelings.

When it arrives to thirty you think you have control over everything and it will no longer suffer. Friends? Going away? Vacation? C’mon! This does not affect me anymore.

I wish…

The ‘punches in the stomach of the goodbye’ worth when we know that there will be a new hello. Sooner or later. At their border or mine. The circle of life. Because memories are forever. It becomes art, books, short stories at the dinner table. The pleasures of our days, whatever the age is. I do not want to avoid life, I pay the price. I am grateful to be able to “feel”.

Then, its better to say: hasta mañana, hasta la vista, ci veddiamo, até logo, see you later. Next time.

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