Tag: Love (Página 2 de 3)

To the Sea

A year ago I sat in front of you without a voice to describe what I was feeling. Your waves read my silence. I put my feet to kiss you, ask for your blessing and permission to cross you.

I cried because I knew how much would miss you. But I had to follow. I crossed  and I went to live in one of the most beautiful and colorful landscape- Firenze. Shortly after, I fell in the middle of buildings and noises-.London.

Between the cold and the flowers, I never wanted someone so much as I wanted you. I counted the days to the sun and for the summer. For the holidays and for the day I would ne free to go after you. If I need to quit or run out of money, no longer mattered. To run away was what I needed.

So we met. We smiled. My feet kissing your lips again. Feeling you as before. Tweenty days ago. The same ocean. The same Atlantic. A new woman, and this time, on this side. Eight thousand kilometers, what have you got to tell me these coldest and European waves.

I know. I know all that I wish and I pray to you. All I do not want and I throw into you. For your depths, all the tears that hurt and sorrow. For me, your salt that cleans. Your good energy. My God! As I needed!

It may sound corny and even ridiculous, but when you are in the cold and in the dark for months, meeting with the sea- which to me is life-becomes essential as the air we breathe.

Life. This is it. I needed to feel that I am. Alive.

Thank you. For allowing me to cross all those kilometers, thank you. For opening the way for me. For making me vibrate. It was just what I needed to be reborn. Sun and sea.

Here I say goodbye again. The same tears and the same desires. The miss but renewal. We see you soon, next summer. But over there, that side, where it all began.

To Portugal, for those beautiful days, all my love. And to the Sea all my respect and my heart.

With your blessing nothing is in vain.

Ao Mar

Há um ano eu sentava de frente para você sem voz para descrever o que sentia. Suas ondas leram meu silêncio. Coloquei meus pés para você beijar, pedi sua benção e licença para te atravessar.

Chorei, pois eu sabia a saudades que eu sentiria. Mas eu precisava seguir. Atravessei e fui morar em uma das paisagens mais lindas e coloridas- Firenze. Pouco depois, caí em meio a prédios e buzinas- Londres.

Entre o frio e as flores, nunca desejei tanto alguém, como desejei você. Contei os dias para o Sol e para o verão. Para as férias e o dia em que eu meu libertaria para ir ao seu encontro. Se eu precisaria pedir demissão ou ficar sem dinheiro, já não importava. Sair dali era o que eu precisava.

Então nos vimos. Sorrimos. Meus pés de encontro aos seus lábios, mais uma vez. Sentir você como antes. Há 2o dias nos reencontramos. O mesmo oceano. O mesmo Atlântico. Uma nova mulher e, dessa vez, do lado de cá. Oito mil kilometros, o que será que tens para me contar nessas ondas mais geladas e europeias.

Eu sei. Eu sei tudo o que eu desejo e peço à você. Tudo o que eu não quero e jogo para dentro de você. Para suas profundezas todas as lágrimas que machucam e tristezas. Para mim, seu sal que descarrega e lava. Suas boas energias. Meu Deus! Como eu precisava!

Pode parecer piegas e até ridículo, mas quando encontra-se no frio e no escuro por meses, o encontro com o mar- que para mim representa vida- torna-se essencial como o ar que se respira.

Vida. É isso. Precisava sentir que estou. Viva.

Obrigada. Por ter permitido que eu travessasse todos esses kilômetros, obrigada. Por ter aberto os caminhos para mim. Por me fazer vibrar. Era só o que eu precisava para renascer. Sol e Mar.

Aqui despeço-me mais uma vez. As mesmas lágrimas e os mesmos desejos. A saudades mas, a renovação. Nos veremos em breve, no próximo verão. Daquele lado de lá, onde tudo começou.

Á Portugal, pelos dias lindos, todo o meu amor. E ao Mar meu respeito e meu coração.

A sua benção e nada é em vão.

One Love: Portugal

Some people do not understand my love for Portugal. Whenever I comment about it, I hear it’s more of a third world country, the “bad” part of Europe where there is nothing.

Recently I heard: “Lisbon seems to Sé Square in SP.” In critical tone. Well, but it is clear the downtown of SP has plenty of Lisbon after all, they-the portugueses- colonized our country. In fact, the similarities go beyond the Sé Square. We see a lot of Portugal every bit of our Brazil.

But the truth is that Lisbon is much more than similarities with our country and Portugal is much more than Lisbon. From Porto to Algarve you eat very well, you love intensely and you have one of the most beautiful sights in the world.

I woukd like to write something more intense and profound about Portugal that I love so much abd do not get tired of visiting. But every time I think of this place, I think the words of Fernando Pessoa in his poem ‘Sea Portuguese’ (Mar Portugues). Nothing defines better this land than the expressions of Pessoa.

So, to not fill this text with cheap words, I ask permission of Pessoa and make his feelings as mine. Everything is worthwhile if the soul is not small!

Yes! And every day that passes I am more sure about this wherever you are. There is always something good and positive in every corner and every day, even in those when you think, ‘I should not have woke up today … “

Yes, you should! The universe need us! Make it all worth it feeds the soul and makes it bigger.

Thank you Lord for this small and friendly piece of land that one day, colonized one of the largest territorie. And despite all problems and defects, left us in good culture, good food and it allowed us to be someone.

Thank you for Portugal that make me feel home.

Life get more fun when we move

“Have you ever noticed that everything you want you always get it?”
So did say my therapist before I leave to Italy. It would be too much to agree with these words, but they are true. Not because ‘its me’ But because we all can get whatever we want.
When we believe The Universe show us the way and The signs. Whether at the “same hours” or The unexpected messages.
Everyone knows What kind of choice and pain has to deal with it. On this journey I was called spoiled, depressive and even child. Judging is easy, But sending me money or clean The floor for me no one did. I Know me and The tears in my friends eyes, as well as Their Lovely words, proved even more Who am I.
As I discovered myself, I realised that the one Who seems to Know you very well, do not Know that much; And that one you just met is The one who reached out his hand.
In those 11 months I regret not having stayed longer in Italy and also not coming back to my friend’s wedding. But I wouldn’t changed this experience in London for nothing. The City that has matured me in pain and love. Yes, London showed me a new love and therefore, ‘she’ will have me as longer as ‘she’ need.
Our differences of colors and tastes tortures us, I Know. But we Love each other and I will come back. Is just that, for this moment, I want Something that you Dont have: Sun.
Then, Im going to Love in Portuguese and Spanish for a while. Because I need, because I want to, because I Love and because life become more fun when we move.
Untill The next chapter.

A vida fica mais divertida quando nos movemos

“Você já reparou que tudo o que você quer você consegue?”
Assim falou minha terapeuta antes de eu embarcar para a Itália. Seria muita ousadia minha acreditar nessas palavras mas, elas são verdadeiras. E não porque sou eu, mas porque todos somos capazes de conseguir o que queremos.
Quando acreditamos o Universo nos mostra o caminho e os sinais. Seja nas horas iguais ou mensagens inesperadas.
Cada um sabe o que vive e a dor que desgasta. Nessa minha jornada fui chamada de mimada, depressiva e até de criança. Julgar é fácil, me mandar dinheiro e vir limpar o chão pra mim ninguém fez. Mas eu sei de mim e, os olhos mareados e palavras carinhosas dos amigos provaram a pessoa que de fato sou.
Enquanto eu me descobria percebi que, quem parecia me conhecer muito na verdade, não conhece tanto assim; e quem eu havia acabado de conhecer, foi quem me estendeu a mão.
Nesses 11 meses longe eu me arrependo de não ter ficado mais tempo na Itália e de não ter voltado para o casamento da minha amiga. Mas não troco esse período em Londres por nada. A cidade que me amadureceu no grito, na porrada e no amor. Sim, Londres permitiu-me amar e, por isso, ela me terá enquanto precisar de mim.
Nossas diferenças de cores e gostos nos torturam, eu sei. Mas nos amamos e eu voltarei. É que nesse momento eu busco algo que você não pode me dar: O Sol.
Vou ali amar em português e espanhol, então, por um tempo. Porque eu preciso, porque eu quero, porque eu amo e porque a vida fica mais divertida quando nos movemos.
Até o próximo capítulo.

Next Time

Next time

I will do not cross our eyes, will not ask where they are from and I wont get interested about ages.I will do my job and I will ignore all voices around. I will skip conversations, not share smiles or tears and much less secrets. Feelings never ever! Yes, next time.

Next time I will not ask about family or how was the day. I will not want to know if are they happy or sad or if they need anything. Also, I will not offer my help anymore. No. Next time I will be alone and wont look to the sides.

Next time

I will not accept the invitation for pizza or mojitos. I will not be until the early hours laughing and neither will have dinner at the chinese restaurant, to eat whatever it is. Next time there will be no high heels to become more beautiful, nor will I make new plans, because I wont make new friends.

I will do not bother anybody with joy and not ask for any advice. I won’t ‘give myself’ to anyone or give any space. No entry, fragile heart. Next time I will keep save emotions and feelings.

Next time

Yes. I will be like this and also an empty person. If I had avoided all of these things in the beggining, I would not have shared the laughter nor the craziness. Wouldn’t have lived their twenties with the ideal maturity of my thirty. Yes. I would have missed the hugs and the ‘good mornings eyes’. Fifteen hours at work sustained by good mood because there were friends.

I wouldn’t be feeling what am I feeling at this moment, the mixture of love and ‘saudades’- missing. I would not have the exchange of thoughts and languages. I wouldn’t even be able to write this text, because there would be no words to share, since there would be no feelings.

When it arrives to thirty you think you have control over everything and it will no longer suffer. Friends? Going away? Vacation? C’mon! This does not affect me anymore.

I wish…

The ‘punches in the stomach of the goodbye’ worth when we know that there will be a new hello. Sooner or later. At their border or mine. The circle of life. Because memories are forever. It becomes art, books, short stories at the dinner table. The pleasures of our days, whatever the age is. I do not want to avoid life, I pay the price. I am grateful to be able to “feel”.

Then, its better to say: hasta mañana, hasta la vista, ci veddiamo, até logo, see you later. Next time.

Leave and let us Live

Leave.

I have heared this word a lot for those past months. I have used it a lot to miself as well.

To leave London; To leave my home; To leave my job.

UK leaving EU.

Yesterday I slept being part of EU. Today I woke up out. They are out.

If you asked me how am I feeling I will say: “Im fine. I dont care, there is a lot of other countrys to live, if I had to leave here. Also, I know, I can always come back to my home.”

But if you come closer, look deep into my eyes and wait one second, you are gonna hear my real feeling:

“Im sad. Im feeling a stranger in someone’s land. Untill yesterday I fel I was part of here, I was allowed to cross the street. Today, when I got the news, I fel completely distant. More foreign and immigrant than ever.”

As I asked a friend at work if he wasnt feeling anything different and he said the same: “There is something inside that is not right.”

I know. But we had to go to work and live our day.

I dont feel bad because of me, because Im living her, however, for the rest of the world. The most people who have voted ‘yes’ to leave, did it because is against immigration. I really understant that but, which country has no immigration? Could not the govermment to control in a better way?

What upset me the most is to see what humans are becoming. People voted against the others one. They dont tolerate us, they dont tolerate themself. In mid 21 century, we are living the most individualistic moment. After all the world has been through, we continue to choose thinking about ourselfs only and not as a nation.

Many of these people, who voted, have no idea about what is happening, they just dont want strangers inside their houses. They are not worry about economic or even politic. They just wanted to leave. How is gonna be tomorrow? They seem not to care.

But why do that…Live and let us live.

For one second I wanted to leave as well. I wanted to go home. To go back to Italy or to Brazil, to my parentes lap. I wanted to leave, because I didnt want to be in a place where I know Im not welcome. Its true that they dont even look at to us and may not paying attention in anything. But this energy around has no explanation. The smile of who won and the tear of who is now afraid of the future.

To vote was easy. To face the reality now its gonna be the point. Im watching for outside, as I dont feel part anymore. Lunch time at the restaurant, looking around the customers and thinking: Did they vote? Yes or not? What they think about it? They are sick of us, but they love our products and food. They want all the power, but they are leaving all behind.

I cant deny the feeling of being living this here, in London. One day, my kids, perhaps, will ask me how was this 24 of June 2016. I will say that was sad and huge. I dont want to think about the future now, as it may not change my life at all. We may have two years ahed to see what is goona happen. Not even the politicians knows. But today it did change. I fel small. Sitting in front of St Paul Cathedral, I did a pray asking for better days. And If this decision happened then, I hope it doesnt affect us in a bad way more than we are all have been affected by many others bad situations.

Oh London, just when everything was making sense…And I cant even blame you.

Menawhile our lives continue and I just need a new next day.

Circle of Month

I believe that when we are in our period, woman of course, more than blood we put out all kinds of feelings. I believe that “comes down” anger, sadness, bad lovers, frustrations. Maybe that is why it hurts so much. Colic, an open internal wound.

It should not be so painful and hard to put out what remains within us. In all senses. So I believe that nature gives us, women, every month, a chance to remake, a new start with everything clean. So, I thought about everything that bothered me and hurted me in those last days and I send away along with everything that my body will not use more.

As I have done during these almost 10 months away from home.

I heard all kind of things- bad and good- and I have seen a lot as well. But I sent all away in my few days of renewal.

It hurts. It hurts everywhere inside and outside of me. But closing circle hurts. To Restart. But is the pain of all new again. And this month, in particular, more than send away what bothers me, I open myself to the new circle that will come. I’m ready. Im in love. I want to.

I looked in the mirror at the end of a working day and saw my eyes lighten as if to cry. Not this time. This time I saw what its about to come, because it’s all in my hands.

Until next month when it is renewed again.

Paixão e Profissão

Há uns dois anos, ou talvez mais, uma pessoa muito querida que eu confio de olhos fechados perguntou-me:

” O que na sua vida você não consegue deixar de fazer nenhum dia?”
Sem pestanejar eu respondi:

“Escrever!”

“Pronto”, ela falou. Você já sabe o que é e o que vai ser em sua vida.

Levei um susto. Como pude ignorar isso por tanto tempo. Decidi abrir meu leque profissional um pouco mais e encaixar em primeiro plano o que tem me movido nos últimos meses. O que sempre esteve na minha frente.

Escrever me alivia. Permite-me ser quem eu quiser e, claro, ser eu mesma. Escrever protege-me de julgamentos na cara, pois visto minha máscara e coloco no papel todas as minhas ilusões, meus sonhos, minhas invenções. Nomes inexistentes, pensamentos incoerentes e pessoas jamais vistas.

Cenas não vividas mas bem dialogadas. Na minha mente de escritora tudo cabe. Eu é que não caibo em mim. Minhas palavras são minhas verdades. Mesmo que inventadas.

Escrever é meu refúgio contra a tristeza e meu momento de grandeza. É o que reconheço em mim desde sempre. Nasceu comigo. Nasceu pra mim.

Hoje, comecei o curso que tanto ansiava: News Journalism! E, para a minha alegria, minha expectativa não estava errada. Não podia ter sido melhor. Fez meu dia mais leve e feliz! Pessoas novas e diferentes. Outras idades, outras faces, outras experiências. Feito uma criança quando descobre sabores novos, deliciei-me em 7 horas de aula sobre Jornalismo Literário- em inglês- e entendi:

Mais do que uma paixão, uma profissão. Uma arte que completa a outra. Metades que se encaixam. Eu sou o que eu acredito ser.

Não sei o que será do amanhã. Não sei onde estarei e nem quero pensar nisso agora. Só sei que o Universo está girando, os dados estão rolando e eu, em uma mesa de aposta, deixo a vida decidir. E cada detalhe será reportado por mim.

Já dizia a amada Virginia Woolf:
“Escrever é que é o verdadeiro prazer. Ser lido é um prazer superficial.”

Façamos das horas nossa história e reportagem.

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Porque Você Sorri Pra Mim

Eu aprendi a falar lendo os seus lábios. Foi segurando em suas mãos que eu dei os meus primeiros passos. Eu não era tão grande assim, mas o Sol sorria pra mim.

Eu vi a nossa vida mudar da noite para o dia. Eu vi a chuva levar a casa que a gente tinha. Tudo parecia tão estranho, mas o Sol sorria pra mim.

Eu não pude escolher entre minha mãe e meu pai. Eu tive que aprender a ter dois lares e dois Natais. Eu não era tão forte assim, mas o Sol ainda sorria pra mim.

Eu cresci te vendo só aos finais de semana. Dormia nos estúdios e ia ao supermercado de pijamas. O apartamento era pequeno mas tudo bem, porque você cuidava de mim.

Era rock n’roll durante o dia. Futebol no clube e o “leãozinho” na hora da despedida. Te dizer adeus era difícil, mas você não se esquecia de mim.

Você me viu chorar, você me viu sorrir. Ensinou-me a sonhar e mostrou o mundo para mim. E foi assim que eu cresci com o Sol, a criança mais feliz.

Meu pai herói, meu pai amigo. Meu pai humano cheio de carinho. Eu sei que não sou a filha perfeita mas tudo bem, porque você sorri pra mim!

Feliz Vida Pai…Eu Amo Você!

🙂

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