Tag: MissingYou

15 months later…

It took me longer than I would like to put into words the feeling of 15 months later.

It will be difficult to speak of the different because the same is still here.

We still discuss the same things, in the same intonations and the same speeches. We use the same arguments for solutions and the same complaints. Now we believe more in God and in the spiritual, but also, we are tired of the same old ‘sameness’. Contradictory? No, just the same days of our lives. But dont worry, we still love each other.

The city is sadder- still noisy and crazy- but at least this year won a Christmas tree in the main park. You know, we citizens deserve a little hope, and these lights make us feel good. I’m glad the Mayor had thought about it this year. However, of course, none of this erases the current moment of our country. We are all – and I mean EVERYONE – in the same boat and the same crisis. My Brazil is down. I hope I can make him smile a little.

December continues to be the month that swallows us between Christmas and New Year. Emotions jump out of you, like clothes falling out of the suitcase. They seem to try to escape. And they jump like that, all at once, in despair. And when you realize you say what you should not, listen to what you did not want to, and smile at the end. Yeah, few things time really do not change it.

I have not yet met all the friends I would like, although I have declared myself to each one. I still have not eaten everything I wanted but my bed hugged me like if I was still a child. My room, thanks God, remains the best place in the world. And my dogs? Ah! Dear Ones! These do make me feel at home every day! Dogs never forget you.

The heat has not changed, either! Too hot, but I do not complain, because the Queen’s land is too cold and here the Latin skin recognizes itself a little bit more. Welcome home, Amanda! 40 C!

The streets are the same, but the security’s hair is different. He is more modern, I like it! I recognized good ways and saw new restaurants around. The chats of some friends are very mature: they talk about marriage and school for their children. Fear! But there are still those with whom we drink wine and laugh at our delicious lack of maturity when we remember a few months back.

I love my diversity.

I must confess I expected changes. I was hoping for some evolution, perhaps. But the truth is that the biggest change is me. So much remains the same or indifferent because Im looking from another side. Not in the bad sense. But I grew up. Like a giant. I know this place will always be mine. Parent’s house is untouchable, including the bedroom. But internally there is anything that does not fit.

I got off those conversations. I got off the streets. I got off the couch. I do not know anything else about what’s on TV or about the new songs. It’s my house but, at the same time, its just one more place in Earth. And that’s fine. It is light to know that this refuge will always be here for me. Family feelings. Comfort. Love.

15 months really got me out of the place. And really made me a new person.
I hope they understand if I fail to meet certain expectations and joys. If, on a case, I smile less and prefer to isolate myself. But it is that meet my expectations is already too difficult. And staying at home, doing nothing, sometimes, is all what I want and need.

I will be back on time

I will remember all that lemonades.
How did I mess up the table and you just smiled.
I will remember your sweet voice singing and telling me “dont worry everything is gonna be all right.”

Do you want to see a woman become a girl just wait her to fall in love. Your 23 turned my 30 around and colored my sky when I needed it the most.
I know you have a girl and I have the world. This freedom makes me starving for love. I know my place so I let my silence speaks. You have the eyes that changes my mind, please, believe.

Two differents worlds becomes only one when the same song beats over and over again. Hours flying through our days and saying good bye to you, again, couldn’t be worst.
What it mean to be it mean to be. Its better like this, live the life and let it be. No tears, no regrets. Beautiful memories, good times, I will miss you.

I dont want you away from me but this is more than I can wish. But if someday you say that you are in, I promise, I will be back on time.

Yes, I will be back on time.

馃檪

So far, so close

Do not look at me like that and do not make that face ‘half-corner look’. Your smile makes me want to change everything. I was so excited to tell my news and share certain things with whom we trust and care is simply priceless.

Through confused feelings, something came to balance. The dreamed ‘yes’, after countless ‘no’. I started writing articles for an online magazine, Blasting News UK, as a freelancer. I took another step. I got the first British ‘Yes’!

“As long as it’s in English, you can write from whatever you are and about whatever you want.”

So said the person in charge. I will be paid according to the amount of views. But who is worried about money, when will the name be printed online in an international magazine?

Happiness. Even more. Excitement. And to share this with the world did well to the heart, that sought a way to dribble what will come in less than a month.

The closer to the day of the trip, the more I want to leave. If I could, I would go tomorrow. Running away, hidden, like rats in culverts, leaving everything behind. All this so I do not have to face what I already know.

But at the same time, the further away London gets from me, the more I want to stay. Put off everything and come back. Or even not going. I’m still here and Im already missing an inexplicable lack. I did not even get there yet and Im already feeling what it will be when I come back.

Carpe Diem, Amanda!

Live the moment. Breath.

London and ‘her’ way in disguise, shy of making me love ‘her’.

On my day off, so many things I could do, I stay, usually, around 3h in the restaurant where I work during the whole week. Sitting. Watching. Creating. Feeling. I should hate this place but no. I stop there, as a rule, to get closer to those who makes me feel good. To leave a little more of me and take a lot more of them.

Despite all the madness I’m very grateful.

Yes, I should walk out the back doors and pretend that none of this is happening. But on the contrary, I ask for more days around, in full. Intense Aquarian that suffers when cutting the evil by the root. And she likes it all at once, like ripping the band aid from the wound. Do not take too long! Come on and do it! Do not scream! Face it! Then…Well, then we keep living.

One month.

So close but with many things yet to happen. So far, to the point that I cannot wait any longer. Do not give too much time to an Aquarian, he changes everything without blinking. It turns the new inside out again.

Cold town. I do not want to leave this relationship. I will take all this with me and leave a page of the book here because it will be the continuation of the story.

Did I mention that our laughter changes everything?

馃檪

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